you're amazing just the way you are

Buckle up blog buddies, you could be in for a long ride through this post. A few new, interesting things have happened since my last post and they could lead me all over the place as I tell the different stories. So don't say I didn't warn you as you are scrolling down through and skimming stories to a what seems to be never ending amount of words....I'll say it now, I told you so.

Let's start with my new favorite song that I listen to at least 3 times a day.

When I first heard this song I thought it was the Jonas Brothers and right away I said no matter what I can't like it. And even after I found out it wasn't them I still thought it was a typo or that Bruno Mars was the Jonas Brothers and they just grew up and got a new band name. Nope! Completely different band with a singer that could be mistaken for one of them. BUTTT regardless, I fell in love with the song the first time I heard it- the words, the beat, everything about it. When I hear it I get happy. Ever since I started listening to it religiously I have either thought to myself or told someone around me that for some reason I can relate to it. No I don't have someone telling me I'm amazing and sure I have doubts about myself on days and that would be a nice pick-me-up but it's something about how positive and beautiful the song is! Forgive me if I'm making you sick to your stomach for being too sentimental, but for real I love this song because frankly I love how it makes me feel and that it reminds me to smile :-)

Alright, alright...enough about that. The next thing that branches off of my crazy obsession with that song is the fact that I have had some serious self reflection time these past few weeks. No I have not been meditating and saying "ohmm" with my legs crossed or participating in yoga (THATTTT experience is a story for another day.) Instead, I've just really been able to sit down and think about what I want for myself in the near future. I really wanted to challenge myself to think outside of my professional goals because for the most part I am extremely proud and happy with where I am with that. I wanted to focus more on me-- the me that I wake up to every morning. So that of course started with my physical appearance...

For starters, I have made it a new goal of mine to replace my make-up, clothes, shoes, and everything related to help reward myself for things such as my job and all of the work I have been doing and will be doing. That means that even though I was already a regular at the malls on the weekends, I will be turning my attention to not necessarily going shopping to go shopping, but to find new clothes that for once I am buying and not financial aid :-) Not only do I have to replace much of my wardrobe to build a professional wardrobe, but I want to do it for me. I've always liked to shop, but for some reason knowing that I earned that money that will buy me new sweaters and shoes is rewarding in itself. And if you are reading this and thinking I am absolutely ridiculous I ask you to not judge me and realize that I love shopping and I love dressing nicely, therefore this IS something that is important to me! In addition, I have been visiting the 'home' section of many stores to fill the walls and space in my new apartment. That is still a work in progress, but it will come together with time. I'm on the hunt for a new tv and a dining room table---I'm such an adult!

The next thing on my 'to do list' is to get back in shape! For those of you that know me, I've always stayed fairly active. However, the past 4 years have really taken a toll on me --- I'm not saying I don't love my bod, but it'd be nice to get back in shape to the point where I was maybe when I came to college? If not that, at least to a point that I feel comfortable with and can notice a difference with not only the way the jeans are fitting me around the waist, but also in the choices I make to continue to maintain what I will hopefully accomplish in this area. To clarify, I'm not saying I am unhappy and all of that, I'm just saying there is a certain level of fit that I am aiming to reach and a few cheers along the way wouldn't hurt :-p On that note here are some things I have/will try:

1. P90X- Janelle and I started that this week and long story short, it is a great workout but probably not ideal for me for a few reasons. The first, I broke my wrist twice and it never healed properly making it very difficult to do a lot of the exercising that require supporting my entire body with my arms, etc. So that was one down fall. The other is that Janelle and I tried to do it together but our schedules just don't line up enough for us to do it consistently. For me, I feel like I would need to do this program with someone simply because the videos are so boring! So, unfortunately it seems I may have to retire early (after 2 days of it :-p) and find something else that'll work for me...aka #2

2. Cortland just announced at the beginning of the semester that starting this year all faculty and staff can use the fitness facilities for free. Now I have never been much of a gym-er, but I'm going to try to get a routine down so when it comes to be the winter months I still have an option when the outside is ruled out. For now, I will explore that routine but also work in time outside running/walking as I have been doing here and there since the summer. I just haven't quite been able to find the one thing that keeps me motivated to get out there and do it....hopefully this public post will be a reminder of how badly I want to do this for myself and it'll give me a little boost! I will welcome any suggestions you have though....:-)

Finally (the not physical appearance part of the reflection) in all of the time I spent thinking about me (sounds so selfish!) I realized that I need to cut myself a break. The reason: I've really beaten myself up lately about my lack of dating or even effort to get to know new people. But when I think about it, I realize that just like everyone keeps telling me- timing is everything. I have no doubt that I'm ready to have fun and meet people and put myself out there, but when it's right it's right and that's not necessarily for me to decide. So, from here on out I'm going to do my best to remind myself to smile and let it be...

because like Bruno Mars says, "you're amazing just the way you are...."